I’m Turning 50…

I’ve not really given this much thought or so I thought.  I try not to get caught up in the whole birthday expectation melodrama.  Yet, as it did when I prepared to turn 40; something insidious is beginning to creep into my thoughts.

Lately it’s been me and my wrinkles or rather my changing skin tone. I’m moving from tight to, dare I say, semi flaccid skin.  Wrinkles are forming that I didn’t have. I actually can’t even believe I’m writing this. I’ve never been a vain person. I’ve had great skin and in a way I guess I acknowledge that I felt grateful I didn’t have to deal with bad skin; life is hard enough without skin issues.

Yes I’ve been spending more time in front of the mirror. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I see my mother and my grandmother. At times this can be a comfort and or a shock; how did I get to this? It seemed like only yesterday I was turning 30.  I wish my Mom were here – right now – I would love to talk with her. We had talked about it over the years, sort of, but I want to see her looking at me and have her tell me something filled with wisdom. Okay that’s the fantasy Mom, what my Mom would say is, “I know – it’s crazy isn’t it? Here are some make-up tips and otherwise at some point you got to let it go and get on with living”. Yep – that’s the wisdom I’m talking about; to the point and in your face practicality.

Inner Critic

I love that wisdom and in a perfect world I would just get on with living, no regrets, no doubt, no worry, yet what happens is after what seems like hours spent in the mirror my mind goes into the following dialogue:

Self: Well today I will….

Gremlin: Uhm Lynne you are getting close to 50 and what are you going to do to celebrate? Are you living the life you imagined you would be, are you happy? Not to mention you are single and have no interest in aggressively dating or finding anyone? Hello Lynne are you listening?

Self: Shock and Awe campaign just took place and I’m left in a stupor, in my chair, cup of coffee slowly burning my hand. I don’t know what to say except…. oh my gosh I’m about to turn 50 and what am I doing, who am I, how did I lose Lynne?

Gremlin: See what I told you, you are in a sad state of affairs.

Self:  Well I’m going to…..

Gremlin: Oh my gosh are you seriously thinking you can do anything about all of this’ you’ve lost so much time. You’re getting old and look at you, who will want you now and …..

You get it right?

NOTE: As I write this Moonlight Sonata is playing. Moonlight of my life – deep – dark – you get it – Gremlin is at it again… hah.

The gremlin is the inner critic in your head that set’s you up to feel bad and even sets you up to stay feeling bad.  Gremlin is not my friend. Gremlin thinks it is protecting but it isn’t.

Taming the Gremlin – Awareness – Live Your Own Rules!

Superbowl Sunday and there I was re-watching Sex in the City the movie, drinking a delicious white chocolate ale and feeling pretty darn good when lo and behold the message of that film went right to the core:  We have the choice to make up the rules for our life.  Perhaps it was the ale but I’ve watched that movie before and it never hit me like it did on Sunday.

There it was life imitating art and I got the message loud and clear.  First it’s time for Lynne to reclaim and redesign her life (yes that verifies my passion for having a life revival). It’s time for Lynne to live a life according to her rules, even when society likes to place their expectations (Gremlins) all over your clean kitchen floor.  It’s my time, because I do want to experience a life that allows me the opportunity to do what I love: Serving in Joy and helping others have what it is they truly want; yes I’m talking a life revival.

So how about you, have you been living by rules other than your own? Have you gotten comfortable in the uncomfortable so much so that rising to the new comfortable feels terrifying? Let’s just pat the gremlin on the head and take our first step up and out the door into our new life.  The Gremlin will always be there but you don’t have to let it dictate how you live your life – awareness is the key to Gremlin freedom.

I know this is pretty old school knowledge yet everyday, I promise you, 90% of the population stops themselves from taking action towards a dream because the inner critic rose to the occasion and took a seat at the head of the table. It takes re-training the mind.

Inspired Action: 

Light a candle – turn on your favorite music – clear your mind – roll your shoulders and let go – breathe – imagine yourself surrounded by a blue (almost purple light) and breathe in what you want and breathe out what you don’t want (ex. breathe in peace…breathe out worry). Do this for 2-5 minutes.

When you are done immediately grab a piece of paper and start writing everything you desire, everything you value, write whatever it is that would make you jump out of bed and get excited to start your day. Notice if your inner critic starts to come out, don’t give it the attention it craves, and give yourself the opportunity to get back in touch with your passions, desires, authentic voice. Try to fill up a front and back piece of notebook paper.

Next step is to take some time to acknowledge appreciation and gratitude for what has been. Things that have happened that are too painful to appreciate just drop them for the time being.  Now – just fully feel appreciation for what you have and acknowledge that with awareness you have the choice to either listen to your inner critic or set it aside and allow your full authentic, inspired, passionate, sensual, playful, creative, artistic, domestic goddess, to surface and shine into your life.  Remember – one step at a time!